What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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