so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
