my being single is dangerous.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
