Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
