I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize