somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
