I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
