Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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