Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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