Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
