You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
