I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
