I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
