Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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