I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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