I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
