Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
