I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
