she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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