An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
