who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
