I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
