I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
