my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
