I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
