You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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