I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
