drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
