She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
