you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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