Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
