once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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