If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
