in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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