You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
