OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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