i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
