I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
