I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
