I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
try to milk me bitch
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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