Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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