The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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