"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
