I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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