I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
