The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
