Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
