I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
