i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
