i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize