I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
