I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
