I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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