We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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