sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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