All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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