Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
