i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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