got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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