I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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