It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
