At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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