I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
