i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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