I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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