is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
