well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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