I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
