are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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