dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pants are for mortals
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize