so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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