i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
