i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize