When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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