the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
