Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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