I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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