My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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