I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
