I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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