So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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