I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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