You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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