I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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