Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
