its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pants are for mortals
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