Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
