I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
