dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
