yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
