Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
