someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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