so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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