you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
