she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
