There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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