Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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