and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
