If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pooping to opera.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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