is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I supernannyed him into submission
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
