Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
