My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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