you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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