i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
