I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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