you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
