You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
