GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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