i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
