OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
