Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
