Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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