Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
